300: Rise of an Empire – doesn't know its Artemisia from its elbow

Scarred by racist political stereotyping, the mighty Persian empire is dealt a blow by plucky freedom-loving Greeks – with the help of Bondage Nymphomaniac Revenge Barbie

Themes

The first few minutes of 300: Rise of an Empire set out its wares: there's beheading, jiggling breasts, rape, a world view derived from Fox News (Darius the Great of Persia invaded Greece, we learn, because he was "annoyed by Greek freedom"), macho military anachronism (Greek hero Themistocles is skilled in something called "Athenian shock combat"), blood and mud both spurting around in 3D on the screen like thick black slime, waxed chests, teeny tiny leather man-panties, a portentous voiceover and racism. If you love all that stuff, saddle up your battle rhino: the wilful massacre of ancient Mediterranean history that was 300is back.

People

At the battle of Marathon in 490BC, Themistocles (Sullivan Stapleton) hacks his way through a beachful of Persians. He spies Darius the Great watching the battle from a ship, and shoots him with an arrow. "Themistocles knew in his heart he had made a mistake," intones the voiceover. You bet he did. The real Darius wasn't at the Battle of Marathon, and Themistocles didn't kill him. The Achaemenid King of Kings lived for another four years and died naturally following an illness. But no, the film isn't owning up to having blooped: it is suggesting that by killing Darius, Themistocles has opened the way for Xerxes (Rodrigo Santoro) to take over. You know, the massive gilded embodiment oforientalism from last time round.