The girl’s guide to getting love

The girl’s guide to getting love

By: Dr. Pam Spurr
Life can be fantastic as a single when you don't want the hassle of a relationship. But for those who long to find love it can feel very lonely out on the dating scene. It seems like you'll never meet Mr Potential let alone Mr Right.
Here are six love lessons to help you to get love into your life:
Love lesson No 1: Treat every chance encounter as a speed date
Time to develop a 'winner-at-love' mindset and be prepared for the idea that around the next corner is Mr Potential. This means you're ready with a smile plus confident posture radiating positivity that will attract his interest. Treating each encounter like a speed date means you give your best.
Standing hunched over, staring at the floor is a big no-no! But saying something neutral that creates a shared experience is a fab start. For instance, as you both wait for the lift in your office building, smile and say: 'This lift can take forever.' You immediately create that shared experience.
Of course play it safe - don't give your number to any old guy - but be ready at work, at the sandwich shop, or even at the dentist's or GP's to signal you're approachable.
Love lesson No 2: Beware of 'chemical' attraction
Make sure the Intense sexual chemistry you have with a particular man isn't leading you down the garden path. Sexual chemistry is great - and yes, couples need a spark - but some women repeatedly get swept off their feet by charismatic men who only want a fling.
If you're looking for love rather than a bit of fun learn to identify the guys only after one thing from those who can offer you more.
Those who only expect sex - and aren't interested in love - tend to ring at the last minute, flirt like mad and use loads of sexual innuendo when with you. And then you don't hear from them until it suits them. Don't waste your time with them!
Love lesson No 3: Dump your normal 'type'
It's easy to get stuck always dating the same 'type'. You figure you've always liked, e.g., sporty guys, or outgoing guys, so you always go for them. The problem is you miss lots of other good men because they don't look sporty or they aren't the most outgoing in the group.
But think about it logically (I know, hard to do when it comes to love!) and you will realise you could be jeopardising your chances of finding love. Because if you haven't found it yet with your supposed 'type' - maybe that type isn't for you.
Be daring, break this relationship bad-habit and go for the opposite type. Try dating that quieter guy or the lanky one who doesn't look sporty. You might find your Mr Right after all.
Love lesson No 4: Widen your circle of opportunity
You're already enhancing your opportunities by treating every chance encounter like a speed date. Now you've got to reconsider your 'circle of opportunity'. Research shows we have a set geographical and emotional 'circle' we operate in - taking the same route to work, going to the same pub after work, always seeing the same friends and doing the same things.
Seeing as your circle of opportunity hasn't brought you the love of your life it needs changing. Start widening it to maximise love-opportunities. Take new routes to work, go to new places, take a selection of evening classes, enlist a friend to try new bars and clubs with you, and check out some of the singles events in your area as well as internet dating.
Love lesson No 5: Make your love-mascot work for you
Sometimes we need inspiration from outside of ourselves. Taking on board a personal love-mascot - in this case someone who's successful in love - can be super helpful.
Think about someone you admire from your life who has a really good relationship. Or a celebrity who has found true love, e.g. Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt. Turn them into your private love-mascot.
Imagine how she approaches her relationship. Can you visualise her confidently chatting up her Mr Right when they first met? If she can do it, so can you. Think of her attitude, her natural ease around men, etc., and bag some of it for yourself every time you walk out of your front door.
Love lesson No 6: Be aware of that little devil on your shoulder
The final - and maybe most important - Love Lesson is banishing that little devil on your shoulder that talks you down. You know, that negative voice that whines on and on telling you things like you're not attractive enough, you're a failure at love, no one's going to ever want you, etc.
When your internal dialogue - that little devil - consists of all that negativity it's hard to hide it. And whereas confidence is highly attractive, a severe lack of confidence and lots of insecurity that you're not good enough for love is a turnoff.
Challenge that voice whenever it starts. Stop it and start telling yourself that you have loads to offer and that you will find love.