Will you be lonely this Christmas?

By Dr Pam Spurr
MSN behaviour expert Dr Pam Spurr's seven steps on how to beat loneliness
Loneliness affects many vibrant women with seemingly busy lives, including those in their 20s. There are many culprits for the loneliness plague: the recession has meant moving away to get a job, and workplaces are less friendly with people under pressure.
We've also got into bad habits with the over-use of social networking and you might find you spend more time online than face-to-face with others.
Unfortunately loneliness intensifies with Christmas approaching. Try these seven steps to conquering lonely feelings today:
1. Start at the heart
Begin with some self-analysis and get to the heart of your loneliness. Many avoid thinking about difficult feelings but that means they can spin out of control, looming even larger.
So ask yourself, why are you lonely? Did you recently go through a break-up and are dreading your first Christmas on your own? Is it about having moved, not knowing many people and worrying about missing out on Christmas parties? Or is it something you've always struggled with and you find it hard to make friends?
Teasing out these issues in an honest way actually makes it easier to plan the right action.
2. Your own company
A major step to overcoming loneliness is deciding to like yourself, which can sound like a big ask when you're so good at putting yourself down. It's learning to feel happy in your own company instead of feeling you’re missing out.
You become more self-reliant and less lonely when you embrace time on your own. So make it a daily habit to remind yourself of your strengths - what you do well, what your good qualities are, etc. When alone, put these qualities into action by pursuing hobbies and interests.
This will raise your confidence to join evening classes/groups where others share your interests. And taking this step helps you step out of the loneliness trap.
3. Check yourself
When inwardly you feel lonely be aware of how it comes across outwardly. Your feelings definitely affect your body language and it becomes a vicious cycle - the more negatively you feel about your chances to meet people, the less approachable you look.
Never walk out your front door without a good, confident posture, a smile and a welcoming vibe, despite how lonely you feel.
4. Widen your circle of opportunity
As the holidays approach it's the perfect time to widen your circle of opportunity. Research shows we have a very small 'circle' of life – we go out our front door, go to work, go to the same pub, cafe or shop, and return home.
Make a conscious effort to widen your circle and optimise your chances to meet others. New places mean meeting new faces and December is the ideal time as most venues – large or small - have a Christmassy feel with special events encouraging people to mingle.
5. Become a ‘Yes person’ for the right reasons
You don't want to be a Yes person always agreeing with others but definitely become a Yes person to spontaneous invitations to go for a coffee or drink, for example. These random invitations are even more likely in the run-up to Christmas when people are in the seasonal spirit.
The trouble is lonely people often reject spontaneous invitations and pretend to be busy to save face. This is the opposite of what you must do - so seize these moments and get socialising.
6. It's not all about you
Hopefully you're now ready to start thinking outwards. Get involved in community projects, charities, or mentoring schemes to take you out of yourself. At this time of year charities in particular are begging for extra hands.
It's rewarding in itself but you also discover more about your character. Often those who experience loneliness are sensitive and empathic and these are the very qualities that benefit others. So don't hide them away, get out there and give something of yourself.
7. Free yourself from myths
Lonely people are more likely to buy into damaging social myths. For instance, you think everyone is having a great, sparkling social life and that they never feel excluded - not true!
Or you believe most people don't experience loneliness. Again this is not true - many experience it at some point, and it's a challenge to shake off.
Another common myth is to believe others are so popular that they won't be interested in you. How will you know if they're interested if you hide yourself away?
Ditch these myths, take these steps and slowly overcome loneliness. You may feel lonely now but you'll soon find you’re not alone.