Friends are great, no one can deny it, but if you find yourself in the trap of spending too much time with your friends and too little with your husband, consider trying to develop family friends that you can enjoy socializing with as a couple and as parents.
He says: "Habibti, I'm going out with the guys… it's been a long and stressful week at work and I need to be with the guys, watch a game, or do something to unwind and blow off steam." Underlying meaning: you and the kids are part of the stress.
Okay ladies, tell me you haven't heard this phrase repeatedly every month for years. But then again, let's be honest you've done it too.
She says: "I'm tired of being with the kids all week, I need some adult conversation! I'm going out with the girls tonight to catch that romantic movie." Underlying meaning: you never want to watch movies I like.
In the apartment next door, there's a completely different scenario: husband and wife sitting on the couch in silence, in their pajamas, staring at the TV with only "how about some tea" or "the kids did well on their exams today" as conversation!
Looking around, these two scenarios seem to be the general case. Once married, couples either forget to do things they like together, or just close in on themselves, dropping their previous friendships. You and your spouse may have had a different circle of friends before getting married and neither of you may feel close to the other's friends. It is okay to have individual friends and these friends can help you to avoid expecting your partner to meet all your needs, but a relationship is a work in progress, you need to keep working on it for it to grow. Spending time with your spouse doing things you both like will make your marriage more interesting, as well as leading both of you to be happier in the relationship and stave off thoughts of breaking up. For this, you need to meet and make friends with other married couples, rather than just socialize with your individual, and maybe single, friends most of the time.
Mine
We always worry about peer pressure and the danger of our kids falling into the wrong crowd but the same thing can happen to us. Make sure you choose your girlfriends wisely, not confiding in just anyone or getting sucked into the "we hate men" conversations that often go on during women's gatherings. You need a friend that respects and values friendships, provides a safe place for you to share your deepest secrets, someone you can go to for honest heartfelt advice and who'll inspire you to be your best.
Yours
Guys, we understand you often require some time out with "the boys" watching a game, playing soccer and shooting pool… anything to unwind. Your friends probably meet some of your needs that can't be met by your wife and kids. But don't be dragged into making boys' night out a habit because sooner or later it'll take a wrong turn: your wife will feel left out, and the bitterness will put a strain on your life. Just remember that numerous marriages have been ruined because of things the husband has done when he was out with the boys. So, be careful not to surround yourself with friends who'll bring you down and possibly pull you away from your family and from what you know is right.
Ours
This brings us to our friends; friends we can both share who will enrich our relationship. Finding solid friendships with other couples who share one or more common interests with you and your husband, perform similar jobs, or even send their children to the same school as yours, will bring a new meaning to your social life. Hanging out with your married friends as couples – whether you chose to be very open and share many details about your life or simply keep the conversation within the framework of your common activity – will certainly make you understand that the daily matters in your family and relationship are similar to those experienced by others.
It's always nice to have a large group to go out to dinner with, but picking two or three couples you and your husband feel very comfortable with and building on those friendships will make the outings more intimate and enjoyable. How you decide to bond with the other couples may vary of course depending on your interests. Whether it's watching a movie together, holding informal dinners at your home, or even just meeting at the club, this mutual friendship ensures that you and your husband mingle together and may make you feel closer to each other.
Keeping a marriage going is not as difficult as keeping the communication in the relationship going. To make sure you both don't start enjoying social separateness too much and threaten your relationship, you need to think of how you can really connect, relax from the stress in your lives, and enjoy each other's company. Find a hobby you and your husband enjoy and have in common with your mutual friends so that you can have fun together and strengthen your bond. Interesting things done together take boredom out of the equation and make your life more exciting. And don't use the excuse that there's nothing you can enjoy together! Some couples take salsa dance lessons – a really romantic and fun option. Others may enjoy a more adventurous hobby like camping in the desert, snorkeling, or diving. The point is to divert your thoughts from your daily routine, forget your tension, have fun with the other couples, experience the thrill of life together, but most importantly it's a chance for you and your husband to enjoy each other's closeness. In short, choose your friends wisely, look for people who want the same thing out of life and let them be a source of strength and happiness in your marriage.
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